Ready for a brand new round of Dear Adrienne? Let’s see what guidance the cards have this time around as we look into a friendship that’s gone quiet.
I have a friend who I’ve known for years. Since middle school. We’ve grown apart over time, kind of since college, but always make an effort to see each other once a year or so, and send texts every now and then (especially around birthdays and holidays).
I know my friend has a busy life, so I try not to push or bother her too much. But the last time she asked if I wanted to meet up, I replied with dates I was available, and haven’t heard from her since. That was a few months ago. I reached out for her birthday, and no reply. Nothing for my birthday, either.
Is there anything I need to know about this friendship? Should I keep trying? Or just let it be?
Signed, Potentially Ghosted
Dear Potentially Ghosted,
It’s natural to grow in and out of relationships, especially as our lives take us in different directions. But let’s take a look at this friendship, and see what’s going on.
We’re starting with the Two of Pentacles reversed which does show a lack of balance. This can show that you feel like you’re putting in more effort than they are, but it can also represent your friend just having a lot on their plate, and not being able to balance their priorities.
It may just be that things slip through the cracks due to a difficulty balancing all aspects of life, and there’s a feeling of overwhelm there. It’s not that your friendship isn’t important, but sometimes we can only take on so much.
With the Six of Cups reversed coming up next, we do get the sense here of just growing apart – and it happens. If you’ve known each other for years, there can also be a certain pressure there to be who you’re both expecting you to be based on who you were when you were close. I guess the real question is, do you still really know each other or have you grown into different people who would need a chance to reconnect to rekindle the relationship?
The Nine of Pentacles does show stability – it shows putting effort into something and eventually reaping the rewards. If you’re both willing to find the time and effort to put into the friendship, then yes, you can make it work. But be sure to assess your expectations – are you being fair?
With that Six of CUps reversed and Nine of Pentacles, I do also wonder if there’s a bit of an insecurity coming through. You mention that she’s busy and you don’t want to bother her, but that could be interpreted on her end as you not making an effort as well.
Our last bit of guidance comes from the Ace of Swords, which is honesty and clarity. It seems that they just don’t realize how the staggered communication is making you feel. I really don’t think this is about you or your friendship perse, but more what they have going on in their life, and no clarity over your mutual expectations of the friendship.
If you’re ready and willing to open a dialogue, the friendship can be revived. Will it be what it was in the past? Probably not. It’ll take on a new form. But it will require flexibility, getting to know each other again as you are now, and effort.
Based on the cards pulled, I wouldn’t think that this is a personal affront or message to you; it’s just life getting in the way.
Dear Adrienne is released on the 1st and 15th of every month. Have a situation that you want advice on? Submit your story.